As I’ve walked the pathways of my life I’ve assembled a grand collection of lies about my Heavenly Father. False beliefs and misunderstandings have opened the door to outright sin. I’ve sensed the metallic taste of envy and jealousy in my mouth; felt the fearful lump of abandonment in my gut. Opportunities, talents and resources evaporated as I basked in the belief that I was entitled to have whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without having to make any sacrifice to attain it.
I’ve viewed Him through the skewed, warped and clouded eyes of a wounded, yet spoiled, child who learned to be fearful, wary, skittish and very independent. Viewed Him as being like a human who would abandon, and punish harshly if I didn’t measure up.
But, I’ve learned He is not like me. He is unlike any human I’ve ever known. And He knows me. All about me. He knows when I sit and when I rise. He knows my thoughts and all my ways. He knows the difference between my needs and my wants. When I beat His chest in anger, He simply embraces me, holds me tight and immoveable until I dissolve completely into Him. He created me in the depths of the earth. I cannot escape Him. Nor do I want to, for He has proven Himself to be patient, loving, merciful, kind, steadfast and faithful. I have found a safe place in Him.
I am willing, better able, to lay down all the lies that have formed a cocoon of false safety around me that has kept me from Him.
So, I ask You now, Father, for Your forgiveness for believing these lies, and for my trespasses, as I forgive those who have trespassed against me. Remove them far from me, as far as the east is from the west. Heal me and I shall be healed. Wash me and I shall be clean. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10-12. Amen.
Introduction to 2018 40 Days of Repentance: https://bneyyosefna.com/2018/08/12/40-days-of-repentance-introduction-for-2018/
Glossary to 2018 40 Days of Repentance: https://bneyyosefna.com/2018/08/12/glossary-of-terms-for-40-days-of-repentance/