Face to Face with Ourselves
40 Days of Personal Change, Day 36
Tishrei 7, 5780 / September 25, 2020


During this time of isolation, I’ve heard everything from a simple I’m so bored, to seeing an outright spirit of defiance, all the way up to insanely wild conspiracy theories.

All seemed well enough, even just okay. For a while. Until we were challenged beyond our comfort zone. I’m not talking about those who have lost loved ones, or seriously suffered physically, financially, or emotionally. I’m talking about those whose lives are merely inconvenienced because their daily routines have been interrupted. 

We’ve reached a point when we we’re just plain tired of this whole thing. I get it. We’re over it. Granted, we may not agree with how our leaders have dealt with this virus issue, but they have been placed in leadership by God. Consider 1 Peter 2:11-25, where it says to obey all your leaders even if they persecute you.

People! We are nowhere near being persecuted. Even if this has all been a test to see how far they can push us, God is still in control. Consider also, could this be a test from our God to see how far we can be pushed before our righteousness breaks down? It’s easy to say just obey God, and I do grant you there is a limit to what we should accept, but I’m not talking about those extreme things.

Yes, it’s been a long haul and we’re all tired, frustrated, bored, whatever. But should we just dismiss requests from leaders to protect ourselves because we’re just done with all of this?

What if someone decided they were tired of going to work, I’ve done this work thing for a while now and it’s just become too much to get out of bed and go earn my living? Or what if a mom decided it’s too much hassle to feed the kids again. I just won’t anymore. After all, I’ve done it now for, oh golly, months! Or, Oh my goodness I don’t think I can deal with one more day being cooped up in my house. Well, thank God you have a house to be cooped up in!

Where has this attitude come from?

Are we simply face to face with ourselves and we don’t like what we see? Those same doggone issues are still there. We’re uncomfortable, impatient with… ourselves. We can’t stand it. Can’t stand ourselves . . . maybe can’t even stand those we’re cooped up with!

What is this time of isolation bringing up from the depths of your heart? Your guts?

There’s a couple of things for me. One is an old need for others to follow me and do what I’m doing because, of course, I’m doing what’s right and good. It dates back to 7th grade when pride snuck in through the open door of a wounded heart seeking validation by her attempt to be a good little girl.

I’ve also become frustrated with the whining of others of what they can’t do, where they can’t go, who they can’t be with. I want to tell them just get over yourself, for crying out loud! Deal with it!

For me, as an introverted homebody, it’s easy to isolate. In fact, it’s completely natural. On the other hand, it’s a huge effort for me to have to meet regularly, and that’s something I’ll have to deal with soon enough.

This time has been an opportunity to pause. Seek the Lord. Pour out our frustrations and longings to Him. Ask Him to show us what needs to be changed, purged, cleansed, healed.

This is a time to refocus, be reminded of what we know, and even perhaps become re-established in it. Remember who we are. Take time to gain strength in areas where we are weak and grow in wisdom for when the time comes to be together again.

How sad it would be if we emerged from our cocoons in the same dull condition we were when we entered.

Don’t miss this opportunity.

Candi Runyon
BYNA Prayer Director

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