40 Days of Repentance 2019 – Day 25

When I mention the name Jezebel, what is your response? Does it bring up images of a conniving, manipulative woman who could twist her husband into thinking that lying and murder would bring him gain? Most likely you do. But what impression arises when I say the name David? Is it a warrior king from whom the lineage of Mashiach came? Or is it that of a man who arranged the death of another innocent man in order to conceal his sin and fulfill the lust of his eyes?

So, how did a man with a heart for God end up destroying other people’s lives? I don’t believe it started with his casual glance toward a woman bathing within his sight. No, there must have been a root that bent this man towards an unrighteous, sinful decision. What could it have been?

I can only speculate about David. Perhaps he was feeling the effects of aging and wanted to feel young again. Or maybe he had become too comfortable with his success and wanted the thrill of conquest again. Possibly he was in a marriage of convenience and felt unfulfilled.

Intimate relationships can reveal our deepest thoughts and desires. How we get our needs met from the one we love the most can be revealing. The patterns in our lives are established early in our lives. For example, I was an affectionate child who longed to sit with her Dad and be held in his strong arms. Unfortunately, Dad was unable to express love and affection.

My dad was a WWII vet who was repeatedly involved in deadly combat. When he returned from war, there was no knowledge of PTSD among professionals nor was there help for the combat veteran. I believe my dad had anger and fear bottled within his heart and kept an emotional distance from his family. Consequently, a root of rejection was established in my life. In order to get my needs for love and affection met, I turned to ungodly, immoral means.

Recently, during the 50 days of repentance leading up to Shavuot, I was able to discern that the root of rejection still existed in my heart and manifested in my actions. This discovery came about through speaking with my friend who was grieving over her father’s death. She realized that the hardest part was accepting that the love she always wanted to receive from him would never be realized. This was causing her a great deal of pain. A few days later, I saw my friend again and she was making progress. Although she longed for her Dad’s love, she was turning to her heavenly Abba for comfort and solace. I knew that this was the real breakthrough that she had been trying to achieve for many years. The peace that I saw in her heart was very real. Like my friend, I was still trying to fill a void left from childhood with broken, sinful ways.

My takeway from her experience was that desperation can lead one of two ways. We can decide to control others to meet our needs like Jezebel and Ahab, or we can humble ourselves before our loving caring Abba and receive forgiveness as David did. One choice leads to death and one to life. My decision is to choose life by first going to my heavenly Father with my emotional needs Then, as He comforts me, and heals my hurt, and meets my needs, I will be able to accept that humans are limited in what they can do for me.

Father, our prayer today is that You will search our hearts and reveal to us any root of rejection or abandonment that might cause us to turn to fleshly means to meet our needs. Put a check in our spirit that will cause us to consider the consequences of our thoughts and actions. Help us each day to lay ourselves on the altar and allow You to burn up and purify our flesh. May we take delight in You so that You will fulfill the desires of our hearts.

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