We are now in the 40 days approaching the fall feasts and I have been participating in a study of Teshuva. What does it mean? How do we do it?
As I’ve been going through the study, the instructor suggested we journal about what struggles we have been successful in this past year and conversely what struggles have we not been so successful in. As I began thinking about this, I thought of a particular “something” that I have struggled with over the past few years and felt rather proud of myself that, with His help, I had successfully dealt with. The instructor reminded us that part of the signs of being successful is that each time we are tested, we stand strong. And that there WOULD be times of testing – it is part of the process.
A couple days later I was face to face with that testing and I am ashamed to say that I gave in. I gave in to my flesh, and then I was filled with remorse. I was so embarrassed remembering my earlier thoughts of my ability to withstand the testing. I immediately acknowledged my failure, my sin. Acknowledging that I had let Him down when He tested me to make me strong. I had failed Him. I could relate to Peter when he denied Yeshua thinking how could I have done that to my King? I felt like I had to do something to make it right. To pay a penance. But, as I prayed through and cried out to Yah, He reminded me of taffy. I know, it seems silly. But if you know how taffy is made, it is stretched and stretched again and again to make it into the enjoyable treat that it is. Yah reminded me that even though I “failed,” He is stretching me to make me strong.
I am grateful for this season of Teshuva. Not just a time to say I’m sorry, but a time to reflect on His goodness in providing a way for us to turn and return to Him as He stands there with open arms. A time to reflect on how He is making us strong, even when failures happen. He always makes a way to return. Thank you, Yah!
Julia Johnson
BYNA Executive Secretary
