About two months ago I began to contemplate the upcoming 40 days of Fasting and Yom Kippur. As I began to ponder, Psalm 139 came to mind, and I began to pray David’s words asking God to search my heart. Yet my utterance didn’t stop there—I also murmured, “Look under the crevices, behind hidden doors and reveal what iniquities lie underneath and/or behind these areas. Show me what needs to be seen, ask forgiveness and stopped.”
Be careful what you ask for—because not too soon afterwards and not noticing at the time, I began to react rudely, short tempered and/ or respond with snide remarks more often when my husband and I were in an argument or during tense situations. Due to not thinking twice about this behavior, agitation came between us, along with many hours of tense atmosphere in the home.
One day while sitting and finishing devotions, my husband spoke in an angry manner about something he was frustrated over. Jumping out of my chair I began barking a response back at him. The word, barking, is being used because at that moment, Yahovah spoke telling me that I was literally “barking” at my husband. Not a nice term. But it was a good descriptive word describing my reaction toward him. I realized the response was unkind in the heat of heightened emotions and remembered my prayer.
Yahovah subtly but clearly revealed that my current and past responses, attitudes, behaviors are not of Him. It is of the flesh. Paul tells us, “Be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27).”
My unkind responses were hidden attitudes and thoughts that needed to be revealed, seen, and examined. Jeremiah 17:10 states, “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.” Yahovah was sifting my inward being and evaluating me. Teshuvah was in order. James says, “Therefore, my dear brothers, let every person be quick to listen but slow to speak, slow to get angry; for a person’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness!” (James 1:19-20, CJB). This is the right and correct response.
Asking Yahovah to search our inward being is something we, as God’s people, ought to be mindful of often. Paul reminds us that “the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other.” (Galatians 5:17).
During these 40 days for fasting and prayer, may we pray as David did:
O יהוה, You have searched me and know me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought from afar. You sift my path and my lying down and know well all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but see, O יהוה, You know it all! Psalm 139: 1-4
~Wendy Larson
Living Messiah Fellowship, Mesa AZ
