In the third week of this past March, I was laid off from my job of twelve years. It’s okay. I know they wanted to keep me but due to medical reasons, my employer had to sell the office I worked in.
After all the sad, teary goodbyes, I was left to find my balance again. I’ve worked an outside job most of my married life and I fully expected to continue on with the company which bought our office. I spent time talking with the Operations Manager and was going through the motions of the hiring process. But, honestly, my heart wasn’t in it.
After much prayer and pondering, I came to the conclusion that the Lord had a different direction for me to go. This is all good and fine. Except… I would no longer be contributing financially to our family. And I was having a really hard time with that.
Both of my parents grew up during the Depression, lived through WW2, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War, all while struggling with the everyday rigors of life. To survive they were required to be very hard workers. They were tough and strong and successful. They were wonderful parents and taught me that a person was supposed to grow up, go to college, get a good job, then get married and have kids.
They only wanted to teach me to do what they wished they’d had the opportunity to do.
Everything was going fine until one day, using sweet love as a stumbling stone, my inner Miss Perception, tripped me up. I dropped out of my first semester of college to get married, stumbled into a lousy job, never managed to have the kids, and now 45 years later, realize I’m still in the process of growing up.
Throughout those years of trudging down muddy trails, gathering stones of fear and doubt, Miss Perception, being the opportunist that she is, managed to transfer onto my husband the faulty notion that I thought that he thought that I was required to go to work to contribute financially. But, he never thought that. I was the one who believed those lies she told, that I must in some way earn my way. All in order to be worthy of acceptance. It was all rooted in unworthiness.
Through this lay-off the Lord has so graciously and lovingly smoothed my path, corrected my course and shown me that I am fine just as I am. Still, not without needing a pot hole filled here and there. And there. And… over there. But, basically, He sees my heart, loves me just fine and accepts me just as I am. And so does my husband. I am so very blessed.
Abba, my Father, I’m sorry for dragging Miss Perception into my adulthood and living in her lies. Help me to recognize Your Voice over hers. Help me to walk uprightly before You and trust you with all of my life, financially and otherwise. Thank you for continuing to pursue me, to capture me with Your gentle ways, to heal me and instruct me.
Praise be to Your Holy Name!