In the night, in the dark, when the birds coo quietly in their nests, and the flowers bow their heads to rest, and the deer meander silently to their beds under the cedar trees, that’s when the voices are the loudest. The accusations, the doubts, the second thoughts, the voices of others resounding in my head; their instructions on how I should live my life. My mistaken perceptions of their shoulds, their shouldn’ts, and their what ifs, are never ending.
That’s when I search for that tiny point of light deep in my spirit. Just beyond the chaos. If I can stay focused on that. That place in my heart where truth lives. The whispering place. Such a still space. Where the silence of God is audible.
It can be a difficult place to stay focused upon, with all the noise clamoring for my attention. If I can get there, keep the confusion at bay, then I know it will all be sorted out. He cups my face in His hands, turns my eyes toward His and whispers into my heart what He would have me do.
The answer to my latest query is not what I expected. The opposite, in fact, of what I thought He would require of me, of what society would expect, even of what those closest to me would expect.
But, I’m not here to please society. I’m not even here to always please those closest to me. I’m here to please Him. This is somewhat new to me. Not the pleasing Him part, but that in pleasing Him, I’m not always able to please everyone else, nor will some of them even understand.
I’ve been a people pleaser most of my life. Walking out what the Lord is asking me to do is also walking out of people pleasing. It’s putting my faith and trust firmly in Him that the outcome will work out just fine for everybody concerned.
The most interesting part of it all, I’ve discovered, is that pleasing Him also frees me to return to myself. That is, to be who He created me to be.
In the days that have followed this latest decision, the doubts have tried to creep back in. Second guessing has approached in the guise of sympathy and obligation. I start to panic, fighting off guilt. But I make my way back to the whispering place to again find the same message, the same instructions as before. And, one more time, I shrug off the shroud of people pleasing, trust Him to know all the details, and come away reassured that I am on the path He’s set for me.